For my last art blog post, I wanted to share this specific piece of art. I created this print for an event I planned to sell my art at. This event was put on by students and was advertised as a safe space for artists who are part of the LGBTQ+ and/or Bipoc communities. I wanted to create a print that embodied the idea of different communities coming together to create something- whether it be change, more art, or just a safe space. This was my first time selling my art and the only time I've ever sold anything from a booth. I was overwhelmed by the amount of support and love that people shared with me that day and will never forget the experience. I actually had someone who purchased my art from that art show reach out to me last week and ask if they could get my art tattooed. I decided to use this art piece and story as my last post for the semester because the emotions that came up during that event are the same emotions I feel every time we share our art in this class. We have created a safe space for all of us to share personal, passionate, amazing art work and I am so grateful. I don't think I will be sharing my art as publicly as I have in this class, as I mostly do it as a healing activity and am very anxious about being perceived (lol) but I'm glad that this class brought me out of my comfort zone. Art is a way to convey messages that can't always be put into words and has been one of the most helpful forms of expression in my life, I hope that my art can resonate with people who have experienced similar things to me and still touch those that haven't.
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One of my least favorite aspects of being a woman of color in a predominantly white major is that while my white classmates talk about environmental racism, social justice, and the socioeconomic issues, they talk about it like it’s a made up hypothetical..or that it’s happening so far away that the most they can do is offer the professor a heartfelt dialogue on why it’s wrong and so sad. While not all of my white peers are oblivious to the struggles that Bipoc have to face for simply being born, a large majority are. Last semester I spent most of my time in class with my camera off and not contributing to the conversations taking place...my eyes were glued to my phone. Doom scrolling..I think they call it...the act of scrolling on your feed for hours despite the fact that it’s all bad news that brings your mood lower and lower. I knew I should be focusing on the lecture but how could I? I needed to keep scrolling..keep reading...just make sure that I didn’t recognize anyone from the videos of members of the asian community across the country being attacked. Correction, hate crimed. I wanted to read the stories that popped up on my instagram feed, I needed to see people from my community discuss the events unfolding before us...because in the world of higher education, these crimes seemed to not exist. Not one of my professors ever brought up the hate crimes that the Asian community was facing. I felt sick and anxious all day, every day. The final straw was seeing someone I used to be friends with in the Arcata community post a photo that showed off her new style of eyeliner that made her look like she had “asian eyes.” I tried not to judge, perhaps I was just projecting...but as days went on she kept making her eyes look more and more almond shaped...she posted “fit checks” in anime cosplay, highlighting her new make up look. This was incredibly offensive to me, she was not posting anything regarding the violence affecting the Asian community and was essentially making herself look like a member of the asian community. She got to play dress up and not endure the ridicule, hate crimes, fear, and hurt that my community was facing and has faced for decades. As a child I was made fun of for my almond shaped eyes, kids would pull the corners of their eyes and sing “ching chong.” I was told I should be good at math. In college I had multiple people ask me if I was a foregin exchange student and if I ate dogs. During the hate crimes occurring all over the U.S, I avoided going outside- even to get groceries- because I was scared I would be attacked for the way I look. While I shut myself in my home for a week, I created this print. Not to spite the woman, but to bring awareness to the subtle racism that the asian community faces- and is often overlooked. I ended up posting this print on social media and actually selling the prints. I used this money to support members of my community who has been verbally or physically attacked during this time. Once I felt confident and comfortable enough bringing up the hate crimes in class, I did so in all of my classes before lecture started. I sent links in the Zoom groupchats to articles, Gofundme’s for members of the asian community, resources, etc. There was a positive response, which was comforting in a way..but it simply wasn’t enough. I grappled with my feelings about this major for weeks. While there are many people who are socially aware, I was frustrated with the fact that I was the only woman of color in some of these classes and the only one who brought up the chaos that was happening. I guess my point of this story is that it’s important to remember that social injustice does not just happen in the articles we read, it’s happening right outside our doors...it’s happening to our neighbors, friends, community members..and it’s crucial that we be there up for them. I’m tired of attending lectures that talk about the way Bipoc are disproportionately affected by x, y, z..I am a woman of color and I want my peers to extend the care to the people of color that exist around them- not just the ones they read about.
This week I decided to create a blog post in response to Fiona's blog prompt for week 7/8. Her prompt was, "I want you to make a piece of art (any medium is fine) that expresses something societally considered as negative."
For this piece I decided to create a collage made from old magazines. Many of the cuttings are from The New Yorker and I used a vintage adult magazine. As a survivor of assault I have gone through many struggles with accepting my body after being assaulted. How does one take back control over their own body after it has been taken away from them? How do you live in a body that doesn't feel like yours? Unsurprisingly, many survivors are made to feel that their assault is their fault. "Maybe if you weren't wearing that..." "Well if you didn't dress like that, men wouldn't bother you..." "Maybe you should change your clothes..." As a 17 year old girl, these words danced around in my head all the time. I felt shame and guilt every time I wore something that showed too much skin. Now I'm 21 and on most days a random passerby can see much of my skin...and I feel powerful like that. I'm glad they can see my shoulders, arms, legs, etc. They are welcome to take a good ole look at the skin I've had drawn on or pierced as a way to show that it is mine. The body I live in now is not the same body of the 17 year old girl who was "asking for it." The body I live in now is covered in messages to myself and holds the fire that society tried to snuff out. What a woman wears should never be a reason for her to be violated. Society puts limits on what a woman can and can't do, especially when it comes to women dressing themselves. The patriarchy would prefer women to be sensual for men, but not for ourselves. When we wear something revealing or sexy, it must mean that we are asking for the male gaze. Our bodies are policed and we are always to blame, however, these bodies are OURS and ours alone. Wear whatever the hell you want and the next time someone tells you that you should cover up, tell em to shove it! "What does it mean to you to practice healing through art? How can the art you create help others practice healing?"
Prior to this year, I never saw my art as being a form of healing..it was solely a form of expression..a way to document the emotions that sometimes felt like were ruling my entire life. I started writing poetry when I was 17. This was the age that I became a victim of assault, it wasn't until I realized that my art was a form of healing that I felt like a survivor of assault. As someone who lives with PTSD from my trauma, it is incredibly hard for me to cope during Sexual Assault Awareness Month. It is a reminder of things that could've been- a life not like this. A reminder of all the trauma associated with being assaulted and crucified by society because I am a woman. Every year my belly fills with fire and it makes me want to scream out into the world about justice and the trauma that survivors of assault are forced to carry in bodies that don't always feel like they own. I always felt obligated to post something...to share my words and my story..it left me feeling empty, exhausted, afraid. So this year I tried something new, I decided to express my emotions through block printing. As I have mentioned before, block printing is a cathartic process..it can take hours to carve a block depending on the size and detail. I wanted this block to be special, so I found the biggest block I could find (12x12) and chose an image that could convey my message. I work rather fast when I get into carving, so it took me about 30 minutes to complete my block. Upon finishing it, I felt a deep sense of relief...I went on to share this print on social media and got a lot of positive feedback. It was also featured during HSU's "Take Back the Night." A couple days later I received a message on Facebook from a woman who had seen my art in that event and she asked to purchase a print. A couple weeks later, I mass printed this print and sold it at an art show. I completely sold out. I spent 2 days at this art show, meeting new people and sharing the story behind my print- it resonated with many. This was the first time I felt powerful during that formerly debilitating month. I felt so powerful, that I knew I had to get this image tattooed on me- to remind me forever of the power that resides inside me despite the trauma that never leaves my body. I learned from this experience that although my art was not created for an audience, it can touch other people. It allowed me to connect with myself and others who have experienced the same trauma as I have. While being vulnerable can feel difficult, I believe it opens up a space for us to connect to each other in ways that we could never imagine. For this weeks readings I decided to block print as my form of art to use. I chose block printing because it is a cathartic process to me. These readings were heavy and I needed some time to process all of it so the long process of block printing was a good match to express my reaction to the readings. Because the reading by Davis and Todd acknowledged the importance of recognizing colonization, it felt necessary to not only represent European colonizers but indigenous peoples as well. First off, I decided to use the skeleton of a snake to represent the 13 colonies since colonization is used to mark the beginning of the Anthropocene. Second, I decided to replicate braided sweetgrass because in one of my other classes we have been reading the book by Robin Wall Kimmerer and braided sweetgrass has powerful symbolism. Kimmerer stated in her book that by braiding sweetgrass, there is reciprocity between you, linked by sweetgrass, the holder as vital as the braider; in my print, the sweetgrass is a symbol of unity. According to Kimmerer, a sweetgrass braid is woven from three strands: indigenous ways of knowing, scientific knowledge, and the story of an Anishinabekwe scientist. Another decision I made regarding my design was that I made it an Ouroboros, these serpents are usually represented with its tail in its mouth, continually devouring itself and being reborn from itself. I chose this shape because to me it represents the cycle of the environmental movement; Indigenous peoples started this sustainable way of life and Europeans saw it as too primitive and tried to erase that knowledge.. now white environmentalists are looking at indigenous ways of life to heal the earth. It is full circle. I really struggled to come up with a design that conveyed my thoughts about our readings, especially because they were very heavy but for the time being I feel content with it. I'm not one to share my art, so I doubt anyone outside this class will get to see it.
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Tati MadriagaHSU Senior. Using art to navigate the worlds highs and lows. Archives
November 2021
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